Jack Feister is 7 years old. He has never held a job or rank.

 

This movie is so funny it’s literally making me fart!

 Jack Feister, age 9, unemployed

I think it would be weird if Mom ate you.

 Jack Feister, age 9, unemployed

Oh yeah? Well tell it to my dead lawyer!

Jack Feister, age 9, unemployed, overheard from his toy room.

My butt says “Good morning.

 Jack Feister, age 9, unemployed, shortly after he loudly broke wind while eating breakfast

I think I just swallowed a booger through my nose.

Jack Feister, age 8, unemployed

A Lightsaber! Oh, come on! Robot’s can’t have lightsabers! That’s just cheating!

Jack Feister, age 8, watching 1980’s Transformers cartoon

‎”There should be a “Son Day.

Jack Feister, age 8, unemployed

Feel my wrath! I have a lot of really bad wrath.

Jack Feister, age 8, unemployed

Having “stuff” is better than having “memories.

 Jack Feister, age 8, unemployed

‎”Dinner beat me tonight. Well played, dinner.

Jack Feister, age 8, unemployed